calming.

the “talk” today.

how to describe it.

it seems like, we’ve come to such a perfect understanding. the talk was so understanding. no explosions of emotions, just a light-hearted understanding talk. mature? not sure what it is. but it was an “open” talk. like .. before we dated almost. that kind of talk. it is nice to be able to talk about it .. in this type of situation, or setting. but how come we could never before? is it cuz we care less now? or not?

but although it’s so understanding. it seems unreal. it seems like something’s missing. what is it? chemistry? or is it just because we are finally .. finally calm now, cuz we grew? . hm shrug* hard to say .

but of course, the talk doesn’t come to a conclusion. it’s not that easy.

break up? how can we talk about break-up so calmly. no more crying. hEY… no more crying… how weird. usualy, if i think about this, i’ll start crying. am i numb to it now? hm. perhaps. perhaps, we’re just so tired.. so tired to even cry about it.

hm. so do we break up? but of course, i ask too much .. of course i’m asking if we can still be close friends, of course, that’s hard to predict. he’s probably right, that it won’t be the same, that we may not be friends possibly.. it may not work that way. as much as i’d want it to.

that’s probably asking too much.

but right now, it’s .. what do i want… what … i can’t tell how i’m feeling.. like my feelings are just.. there but i can’t read them?

like i can’t read or understand what i’m feeling…

so i’m unsure. i remain unsure. i don’t know what to do. . . .

but calming.

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